for jeanne

here is an update on my life. I am currently finding myself. I am a little lost or maybe I'm not. Maybe I am finally feeling like it is ok to just be who I want to be, not take crap from people just because they feel it's ok to give to me. With my parents in Florida and my 3 brothers pretty much being men and not feeling the need for a close family it gets kind of lonely. I am also living in a very large town and it is truely difficult to make those relationships that I thought were just normal everyday relationships. You know...the one's where someone just stops by for a cup of coffee just because they want to chat or that you could stop by when you feel like blowing off some steam. Even when I go to the gym there isn't many people who make small talk. Anyway...I am currently trying to find happiness within myself so that I can feel comfortable with or without anyone else wanting to be apart of my own little world. Makes you wonder how someone with 3 kids and a husband can feel lonely...

I think it boils down to...The husband works so many hours that when he is here he is catching up on house maintenance or maybe some sleep. The 3 kids? Yes they keep me busy, I love that. I love them. My almost 8 yearold works my brain everyday. My 5 yearold...sweet as can be and only sees the glass full...not even 1/2 full, it's full all the time. My 2 1/2 year old...he is his father...busy busy busy. So why the loneliness? I am not quite sure. maybe loneliness isn't the right word. I never thought I would have to work so hard at relationships. My friend just asked me the other day...what made you and your husband attracted to each other in the first place? What interests did you have in common? This answer scared the crap out of me. "him" that is what we had in common. I was completely into him. He drove a lifted truck. I could tell you everything about that truck. He went wheeling. He was Hot! People loved to be around him. I loved to be around him. made my heart pitter patter when i saw him. I still feel this way about him...but I was never sure in the first place why he fell for me. He can bullshit any guy at work and he can talk cars and trucks in his sleep, but when it comes to us...